No mission statement. We start guns blazing.

Fox News couldn't make itself over if it had a crack team of Beverly Hills plastic surgeons and 5 pairs of queer eyes. At least one team of eyes at the Fox News department has been able to see that most of the age 16-25 demographic gets their news information from the likes of Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert.

Someone has decided to try to give Fox News some sort of edge...can conservative news be edgy? Edgy-ness is more of a liberal trait, is it not?

Fox News will soon bestow upon us The 1/2 Hour News Hour, whose tag-line parodies the network completely: Unfair. Unbalanced. Unserious. Funny, because that tag-line would be much more apropos for the Fox News Network itself.

This snow most indubitably poses the question "Can conservatives be funny?"

Well, if the teaser which premiered on Hannity and Colmes is any evidence, the answer is no. More obvious as a result of the clip that was shown is that this is a tawdry attempt at making a "Daily Show" clone, but for a conservative audience. This, in itself, is problematic. Conservative audiences watch the news, or their news, to gain information. I don't think that a conservative audience would really stoop so low as to really appreciate low brow, below the belt mockery of Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton.

Then again, we can look at the massively liberal demographic of The Daily Show. How many people can you honestly assume get the sophisticated humor and mockery of the writers for TDS? Perhaps my faith in humanity is somewhat stifled, but I'm convinced that at least half of the audience just tunes in because they're just waiting to say "Oh, Jon Stewart made a funny."

Still, the writing in The 1/2 Hour News Hour isn't quite as sophisticated as that of it's Comedy Central competition, and I'm sure that this show will not draw away the liberal base of Stewart and Colbert, nor will it steer the attention of many conservative minds.

The concept is admirable, a conservative satire show, a half-hour dedicated in providing a balance in liberal humor...but the execution is poor at best.

Conservative humor can't change the fact that the conservative administration has gotten us in the biggest cluster-fuck ever in the Middle East. In fact, there's nothing humorous about it. Perhaps the conservative news channel is making a last ditch effort to ignore the power that Democrats are gaining in America, the timing is well apt. For one, the Democrats have just taken control of the legislature, making Bush a lame duck. For another, the Republican party has struggled to make any waves in who will take any nominations for next year's presidential election, whereas the Democrat party has at least three strong possible candidates: John Edwards, Barack Obama, and Hillary Clinton.

My friends, the conservative news channel is shivering scared. Bill O'Reilly himself criticizes the Bush administration often.

If the conservative parties want to resurge again, they're going to have to do a lot better than a poorly written, unfunny political satire.

In any case...Stewart and Colbert both have jabs to offer to the liberal candidates, just as strongly as they deliver to the conservatives.

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APPENDAGE: 2/18/07
One could infer from this post that I don't think that conservatives have the ability to be funny, so I gave it some good thought.

I tried to come up with some funny conservatives, like, seriously, but funny.

John McCain
I enjoyed his appearance on Saturday Night Live, I really did, granted it was during the last election season, and as a Democrat, I supported his candidacy moreso than I did Kerry's or Howlin' Howard Dean. Still, he made an appearance on Wedding Crashers, and defended himself against more staunch conservatives who disagreed with his appearance in the film. I like him because he doesn't take himself too seriously, but can still maintain more of an influence in politics. It's too bad that he doesn't have the blue blood that Bush has, or the blue blood that John Kerry married into. (See, I can poke fun at liberals too.)

Another note, John McCain's appearance on SNL was massively funnier than Al Gore's appearance, well, his first appearance. Al Gore doesn't take himself too seriously either, but when a robot makes jokes, it's like spaghetti hitting a wall. Sorry Al...if it's any consolation for Mr. Gore, his most recent cameo was very funny.


Stephen Colbert...the character, not the person
What's even funnier is that I believe that people really take the character seriously. The only argument against my theory is that I haven't seen a wave of bear assassinations anywhere.

The Bush daughters
Most cute blondes are way funny when they're drunk: True.
Twins are hot: Double True.
Cute blonde twins are twice as funny when they're drunk: QUADRUPLE TRUE!!!

See, I've got love for conservatives. Especially when they're hot.

Look, if you can list some genuinely funny conservatives, let me know. If you're looking for standards, just think Daily Show = Funny. Half Hour News Hour = Not funny.